there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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