I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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