am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
