Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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