You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
