I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He felt like a one man threesome
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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