i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
