careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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