Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm passing your future prison.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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