I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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