Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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