lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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