I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
