I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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