I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
