I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
