i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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