I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
