so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
