I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
