People with herpes should wear stickers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
