**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
