all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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