I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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