Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
