We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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