I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
