i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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