So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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