Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
