This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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