Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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