i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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