My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
