You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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