Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
