Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
