there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
