Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
