I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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