there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
