I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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