wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
worst night to have a conscience
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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