My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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