Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
