I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my being single is dangerous.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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