she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
