i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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