you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
