She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i will never coherently bang her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
