Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
as a side note pls kill me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
