I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
