I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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