Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
